I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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