he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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