ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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