I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
