I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
