I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
my poor anus
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Enjoy the penises
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
