Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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