Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"

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  (586): The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain" http://tfl.nu/88as
  Replies (2) Good night (1911) Bad night (686)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!

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  (416): Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro! http://tfl.nu/k0oj
  Replies (86) Good night (943) Bad night (4895)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.

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  (908): Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at. http://tfl.nu/8pgv
  Replies (8) Good night (952) Bad night (4340)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.

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  (407): Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted. http://tfl.nu/0qre
  Replies (12) Good night (4038) Bad night (1486)
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  (951): View more from California

  All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.

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  (951): All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants. http://tfl.nu/xx9d
  Replies (17) Good night (8024) Bad night (1068)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned

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  (330): come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned http://tfl.nu/3008
  Replies (9) Good night (5436) Bad night (935)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.

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  (704): I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month. http://tfl.nu/869w
  Replies (3) Good night (2208) Bad night (833)
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  (916): View more from California

  Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.

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  (916): Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am. http://tfl.nu/a8h9
  Replies (3) Good night (1990) Bad night (613)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.

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  (904): Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple. http://tfl.nu/t444
  Replies (13) Good night (920) Bad night (994)
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  (310): View more from California

  Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.

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  (310): Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack. http://tfl.nu/hyp4
  Replies (7) Good night (669) Bad night (1414)
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  (916): View more from California

  The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.

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  (916): The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight. http://tfl.nu/8kai
  Replies (6) Good night (1138) Bad night (500)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.

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  (228): Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well. http://tfl.nu/vvbh
  Replies (10) Good night (1218) Bad night (524)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.

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  (305): Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978. http://tfl.nu/6hzj
  Replies (4) Good night (755) Bad night (350)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?

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  (832): Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you? http://tfl.nu/bmw9
  Replies (1) Good night (579) Bad night (297)
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  (212): View more from New York

  Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging

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  (212): Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging http://tfl.nu/88q4
  Replies (0) Good night (498) Bad night (272)

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