I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize