don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
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I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm