Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
