I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house