I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.