I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
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