Texts From Last Night

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  (804): View more from Virginia

  You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.

  (1-804): View more from Virginia

  If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.

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  (804): You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic. (1-804): If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator. http://tfl.nu/r2b2
  Replies (5) Good night (1214) Bad night (618)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I am not joking.

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  (503): I just pulled a feather out of my vagina. (503): I am not joking. http://tfl.nu/l5ol
  Replies (30) Good night (1563) Bad night (4092)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..

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  (514): It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get.. http://tfl.nu/agd7
  Replies (9) Good night (3575) Bad night (1244)
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  (819): View more from Quebec

  He was spoon feeding me wine all night.

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  (819): He was spoon feeding me wine all night. http://tfl.nu/fggg
  Replies (4) Good night (3266) Bad night (1091)
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  (418): View more from Quebec

  I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out

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  (418): I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out http://tfl.nu/dee8
  Replies (7) Good night (3518) Bad night (1832)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.

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  (806): Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit. http://tfl.nu/p6mu
  Replies (9) Good night (2293) Bad night (1141)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.

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  (561): They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment. http://tfl.nu/ozel
  Replies (7) Good night (1419) Bad night (2342)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.

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  (720): Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up. http://tfl.nu/96a6
  Replies (8) Good night (1796) Bad night (793)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.

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  (608): My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him. http://tfl.nu/n6s2
  Replies (1) Good night (1470) Bad night (389)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status

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  (308): Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status http://tfl.nu/i9jh
  Replies (0) Good night (665) Bad night (409)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.

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  (503): You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner. http://tfl.nu/k4un
  Replies (5) Good night (831) Bad night (448)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.

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  (732): Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please. http://tfl.nu/0g2f
  Replies (0) Good night (723) Bad night (381)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.

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  (320): I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber. http://tfl.nu/s2ek
  Replies (4) Good night (429) Bad night (264)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him

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  (412): we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him http://tfl.nu/r5so
  Replies (3) Good night (367) Bad night (166)
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  (607): View more from New York

  YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus

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  (607): YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus http://tfl.nu/47xe
  Replies (1) Good night (196) Bad night (317)

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