So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
