worst night to have a conscience
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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