Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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