she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
