In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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