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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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