this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
