Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
