I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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