My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
it's great music for shaving your balls
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
