I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
