The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
