I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
