I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
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Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
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I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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