you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
