The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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