She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
