not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
