i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
