but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
