pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
