Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
