I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
soo... how was my night?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
