dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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