Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
