apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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