dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
