i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
