If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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