how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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