Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
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