she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
