It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
