I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
