it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I fill condoms, not promises.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
