But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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