you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
