ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
