Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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