There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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