Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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