like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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