look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
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College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
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Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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