WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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