On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Mom said you looked used
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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