I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
tell me about the eggs
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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