I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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