Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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