Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
