Buhtt sex?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I want to fling myself into the sun
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
