Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
