rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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