hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize