and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Boobs are out for the taking
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
