I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
